The One Where He's In Quarantine
by i.heart.play-doh
Summary: When a preschool teacher is murdered, Ryan gets stuck with 5 toddlers. CaRWash. :D


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Hi! So this is part dos in my yet-to-be-named oneshot series involving CaRWash. With all the E/C hype on tv I figured I could keep the CaRWash flame alive by writing a couple of stories. **

**How come those horizontal rulers don't work whenever I insert them and save the document? /  
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**I disclaim that I don't own CSI:Miami, obviously. I'm just a lowly fan who's slightly disappointed in the lack of Ryan & Calleigh scenes in the show. Not that I absolutely hate the HipHuggers; Eric & Calleigh are cute too. But...still.**

Ryan Wolfe slammed the door of his Hummer. He walked swiftly up the school stairs, carrying his silver kit. The patrolmen lifted the crime scene tape and he silently thanked them as he bent under it.

He opened the door to find Calleigh inside examining the body.

"Hey, Cal. What've we got here?"

"Hey, Ryan." She stood up from her crouching position and approached him. "Her name's Lisa Rutherford. 32, and a kindergarten teacher. A friend of hers, also a teacher, found her during recess. I've got an officer interviewing the friend right now."

"Well, at least there's good news; none of the kids found her like this. Speaking of the children, where are they?"

"They're eating their snacks in another classroom. They'll be fine for about 10 more minutes, but…" She looked away and stared at nothing in particular.

Ryan raised an eyebrow.

She sighed with resignation. "See, I've called their parents to have them picked up because with Ms. Rutherford dead and the other teacher being questioned, there aren't any adults left to take care of them before the school day ends. There are 26 children…21 of them are being picked up by their parents in a little while."

Ryan lowered his head and slightly narrowed his eyes. "You're pulling rank on me aren't you?" Calleigh looked at him with a smug face and nodded. "All right, where are the 5 tykes I've gotta baby-sit?"

Calleigh smiled brightly. "Down the hall, second room to your left. We're trying to keep them contained in there until the M.E. can come and release the body. So far I don't think any of them suspect a thing."

He rolled his eyes and placed a hand on her shoulder. "They're five year-olds with too much energy and at most a 20-second attention span, Cal. I don't think you should be expecting much out of them."

She laughed. He slid his hand down her arm, took her hand, and intertwined his fingers along hers.

"Do me a favor, Cal? Once you've cleared the scene will you bring me some of these toys? I have a feeling I won't be able to entertain them for long in our break room."

"Sure. I'll let their parents know to pick them up at the lab, then." She squeezed his hand. "Thanks for doing this for me, Ryan."

He smiled. "You're lucky I love you."

"I sure am." They released their holds and Ryan left the room, in search of the other classroom.

--

Ryan took two small hands and instructed them to hold hands with each other. In a straight line they walked up the stairs to the crime lab.

There were three girls and two boys, all having a little trouble walking. Some held their stuffed toys in their arms, and the others had their animals sticking out of their backpacks.

"All right, guys and girls. Stay close; we don't want to get lost. We're gonna go to the break room, okay? There's a tv there." He talked to them in a high-pitched voice, almost babyish.

A girl, Jordan, looked up. "I like tv, uncle Wyan. It's shiny and pwetty, and ooh! It's so bright and sunny inside!"

Ryan was lucky they had taken a liking to him, automatically clinging to him and being obedient. He wasn't so lucky that they could pronounce his name properly. Or any other word, actually.

He led them to the break room and closed the glass door behind him. He put a safety lock he had taken from the school on it. He didn't need for any of them to break the machines, or hurt themselves, or worse, end up in the morgue with a dead body opened up on Alexx's table.

One of the boys, Tyler, spoke up. "I'm hungry, uncle Wyan." The other four shouted in agreement.

"What do you want to eat?"

They couldn't decide, each shouting things from pop tarts to peanut butter sandwiches to plain old sugar. Ryan looked through the cupboards to see what was available. When Katie, another girl, pointed at the Kraft Diner box he took it out and told them that they could watch tv while he cooked it.

He turned on the tv with the remote, flipped through the channels until Disney channel came up, and turned up the volume.

_Thank God for Mickey Mouse_, he thought, as he read through the instructions on the box. _Mac and cheese. Shouldn't be that hard to make._

It took him a while to get started, having waited 20 minutes for the water to boil before realizing the stove-top wasn't even turned on. He looked around to see if Delko or Cooper – or worse, Calleigh – had seen his minor setback.

Ryan managed to cook the food without any explosions, which was something he was genuinely proud of. He put some in 5 separate bowls, filled glasses with milk, and watched as they ate with joy. He'd noticed that Jason was scratching his arms in-between bites of his lunch but shrugged it off as an itch.

They each said their thanks to uncle Wyan, and Ryan couldn't help but admit that they were one cute bunch of children.

Ryan cleaned up the bowls and glasses and dumped them in the sink. He'd let Calleigh do those later, he thought wickedly. He wiped off the dropped macaronis off the table and ate the leftovers in the pot.

The third girl was Alyssa. She didn't talk much in the time he'd met her up until she'd gotten up from her seat and walked awkwardly to Ryan. Though she was a cute little girl, her first words weren't very adorable.

"I got a poopie in my panties."

Ryan almost choked on his macaroni and cheese. He calmly crouched to her height and put his hands on her shoulders. He asked if she wore diapers, and waited for the two-letter word that would save his day. Instead, she nodded.

He hung his head in sadness. Then he realized he didn't know how to change her. He told her not to move; he didn't want to have to clean more than he was required to do.

Walking a few steps off but still in sight of the kindergarteners, he took out his cell and called the one person who might actually have a clue on how to change diapers.

"Duquesne."

"Cal, when I agreed to take care of the toddlers I didn't think I'd have to learn the art of cleaning them…down there. I seem to recall that this isn't in my job description."

"Hello to you too, Ryan." She laughed. "'Down there?' You mean, changing their diapers? Did you feed them?"

"Yeah."

"Then you did it to yourself. Did you conveniently forget that when food goes in the mouth, it comes out, not so much in food form or from the mouth?"

"Ha ha, very funny. I just… figured they were potty trained. Can you help me out, please? Before they all start stinking up the break room?"

Calleigh walked him through it, his phone held in place between his ear and his shoulder as he changed Alyssa's diaper in the bathroom adjoining the break room. She was out the room, successfully cleaned and smelling berry fresh, wearing a new diaper. He was almost done when it happened.

His phone slipped off his shoulder and fell in the poop. Right smack in the middle of the dirty diaper. Ryan could hear Calleigh's voice through the receiver.

He closed his eyes and sighed. He was about to put his fingers on his temple but thought twice as he smelled the excrement.

He shouted to the phone. "Cal, you owe me a new phone."

"A new phone? Why would I owe you a phone? Did something happen?"

"My birthday's coming up; I'd like the new blackberry phone. Now you don't have to go through sleepless nights thinking of what to buy for me."

"Oh my gosh. You dropped it in the diaper, didn't you?" His silence answered her question. She responded with a long bout of laughter.

"Oh, Ryan. You amaze me sometimes. I'm on my way to the lab with some toys now. I'll stop by Circuit City and get you an early birthday present."

"Thanks, Cal. I'll see you soon. And, one more thing."

"Tell no one?"

"Your mind-reading abilities astound me."

Ryan took out an evidence baggie from his jacket pocket and slipped on a pair of gloves. He dropped his phone inside the bag and sealed it swiftly.

He exited the bathroom after washing his hands several times. Delko stood outside the glass door of the break room. He was having trouble with the door, pulling it repeatedly.

Eric saw Ryan inside on the other side of the glass. He looked confused.

"Wolfe. What's going on? Why can't I get in?"

"There's a lock on it."

"Yeah. I can see that."

"Here's the thing: I've got 5 kids in here. I'm doing Cal a favor; they're from her crime scene."

"But I'm hungry."

"You're a grown man, Delko. Go out and get something to eat."

"But my lunch is in there. It's homemade fettuccine alfredo. There's nothing like it anywhere else."

"What? Your mom cook it or something?"

"Yes." He answered with such passion, as if he'd been asked if he was recently in the ocean fighting a shark with his bare hands.

Eric looked past him. "I think one of the boys has a rash."

Ryan looked behind him at the toddlers. They weren't watching anymore; Katie and Alyssa were coloring on a piece of paper he'd given them earlier, Jordan was talking to her teddy bear, and Tyler and Jason were running around with their action figures in hand.

He watched as Jason stopped running and scratched his arms again. He dropped his Batman and used both hands to scratch his back.

Ryan walked over to Jason and asked him to lift the back of his shirt for him. He didn't like what he saw.

He looked around at the other toddlers, and noticed that as Jordan was talking to her teddy bear she absentmindedly ran her fingernails back and forth across her skin.

Ryan faced Eric with a stern expression. He blocked Delko from seeing the boy.

"Eric, take out your phone and call Calleigh."

"What? No. Do it yourself. Where's your phone?"

"It's a long story. Eric, do it. Call her."

Delko complied, and put his phone on speaker.

"What do I tell her?" Delko asked as they waited for an answer.

"Buy calamine lotion. Tell her to buy some calamine."

"Calamine? Why? You got an itch you can't scratch?"

Ryan stepped aside, allowing the Cuban to see Jason's bare back. Red bumps that would soon spread to every person in the room ran across the toddler's back.

"No. But I'm about to."

--

"Let me get this straight. One of the boys has chicken pox. The other four have never had it… neither have you."

Ryan nodded. "People can die from chicken pox, can't they? I read this thing where the older the person the more likely they could die from it."

His face wore a pleading expression. "Am I gonna die, Cal?"

"Of course not." She placed her hand on the glass. He carefully matched his hand to hers. "You will have to be in there for a while. Wouldn't want to infect others."

He believed her and breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, because I don't think it'd be very manly to have my death certificate say 'chicken pox' under 'cause of death'."

She gave him a look of pretend anger. Receiving the message, he attempted at a save. "Of course, I'd never leave you to your lonesome if I couldn't help it…" it softened just a tad, "You're too beautiful to be single and mourning, anyways." He'd done it; he'd made her smile.

"All right, all right. I bought everything you asked and I have some toys from the scene. Our only problem is that all of this is outside and you're inside." Calleigh looked around and saw a perfect subject.

She turned back to Ryan. "Hold on. I have an idea." He watched as she went to Eric, asked him something to which he'd apparently agreed to do. By the look on his face Ryan could deduce that he didn't want to do it.

He walked off and Calleigh stood there, waiting patiently for his return. Eric came back moments later, took the bags from Calleigh and waited for her to stand far enough from the break room door before opening it.

Ryan looked up from his seat on the table; he didn't get to finish his mac and cheese earlier. For the second time he almost choked on his food.

"Is that a HazMat suit? Are you seriously freaked out about getting chicken pox? Relax, man."

Delko glared at him through the clear plastic. "Uh. Actually. I seem to recall that one of us thought he was gonna die from red itchy bumps, and it's not the one in the really hot suit."

"Oh, you think my suit is hot? Thanks, Delko. You always know what to say to make me feel better."

He received a smack in the head from the Cuban.

"For your information, Delko. It's a damn epidemic, this chicken pox."

The two exchanged smirks. Eric dropped the bags on the floor. As silently as plastic clothing would allow him he sauntered over to the refrigerator and took out his lunch.

He playfully shook his Tupperware of pasta in Ryan's face. He then walked out of the break room. None of the kindergarteners noticed him, to Ryan's amazement.

Then again, they were busily scratching their skin away. It was a matter of time until Ryan would soon join them.

Red bumps were starting to appear on his skin after he applied calamine lotion on the second child. Once all of them were slathered in the lotion he kindly asked them to smear some over his hard-to-reach areas. They applied lotion everywhere instead, and all Ryan had to do was lie down and stay still.

After that he took one of the girls and carried her in the air. She pretended to be Superman as he ran around in circles laughing with her.

There were some curious bystanders standing outside and watching intently in on the full grown man acting like a 5-year old to entertain his company. Mothers and fathers pondered if he could baby-sit their children in the future.

He made good use of the toys he was now equipped with to play with the 5 kids.

Together they finished a puzzle, colored pictures lying on the floor, and made sock puppets. They put on a play with their puppets; their stuffed animals were the audience, but they were unaware of the lab employees, CSIs, and detectives that stopped to watch. After the plot-lacking but hilarious play the 6 received a loud chorus of applause from outside the break room.

Among the crowd were Eric and Calleigh, sneaking away from their lab work to watch their colleague.

--

"Everyone, please listen up. Your child's teacher was murdered this morning. The case is still pending, but the more important thing is that your children are safe. Before you go inside to pick them up, I must warn you. Something has happened."

"Something happened? What? What is it?" Calleigh couldn't pinpoint who asked the question in all the panic of the parents.

"Out of context, it's not that bad of a thing. One of the children got the chicken pox, and spread it to the other four. A CSI also contracted it. He was the one taking care of your sons and daughters. The good news is, they'll all be okay. The bad news is, well, they all have chicken pox."

They breathed in relief and asked to enter the lab to tend to their children. She gladly led the way to the break room.

Calleigh stopped in front of the glass wall and peeked through. She smiled.

Inside the kindergarteners were on the floor, napping. They each had a couch cushion as a pillow and a blanket. They cuddled with their stuffed animals and sucked their thumbs and drooled. It was such a cute sight.

But the cutest of all – Calleigh thought – was Ryan taking a much-needed rest in the middle of the slumbering children. Two of the girls were under his arms, hugging them tightly to himself. The two boys were on each side of him, and the last girl at his feet. He slept with a peaceful yet triumphant smirk on his face. He'd made it through the day; though not completely untainted.

The parents were awed at the sight. They smiled at the sweetness of the scene before them.

Calleigh opened the door slowly and slipped inside. She tiptoed up to Ryan and ran her fingers through his soft, cropped hair. His eyes opened tiredly.

"Cal?"

"Ryan, hey. The parents are here to pick up your kids."

He gently lifted his arms away from the girls and rubbed his eyes. "Mm. Guys, wake up. Your moms and dads are here." Calleigh helped wake them up.

Each couple entered the room, carried their child, took their backpacks, and kindly thanked Ryan for taking care of them. Before they left the toddler would be semi-conscious and would thank uncle Wyan for the great day.

Ryan, semi-conscious himself, grinned in pleasure. He was too tired to answer verbally, so Calleigh had spoken for him. She kept him standing by wrapping an arm around his waist, and he placed his arm around her shoulder for support.

Once the lab was free of the kindergarteners Calleigh laid Ryan on the sofa cushions on the floor. He opened his heavy eyes.

"Cal, how come you…Delko…you were able to come inside anyway."

"Eric wanted his lunch. And he's never had chicken pox before."

"You're…not very nice."

She laughed.

"There's some…dishes in the sink…I left them for you."

Calleigh leaned over and kissed his forehead where there was no rash.

"Sleep as long as you like, Ryan. You deserve it. And you won't be getting many visitors with your pox, so it should be fairly quiet."

"Quiet? Good…"

She stood up, walked over to the kitchen section, took a fork and purposefully dropped it from a few feet in the air to the sink, the metal clattering loudly. Then she turned on the faucet at full blast.

Ryan winced. He loves her to death, but he hates it when she gets clever to get even; he never gets any sleep.

**I'll admit, it's not my best work. I might end up rewriting this one when I have the time. I did enjoy writing it.**

**Check out _The One Where They Eavesdrop_, the first installment of the oneshots. **

**Comments, pretty please. I shall get started on the next one & I promise it'll be better.**


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